I volunteered to help organize a 3-day event, with the date set 10 months in advance. My plan was I’m going to stay near the venue for the entire duration.
A week before the event, my son’s school announced that they will have a family day on the last day of the event.
There was no question about whether I would attend. The only question was how can I make it work.
It’s very clear to me that family comes first.
I was able to be at home by 4:00am, woke up at 6:30am and drove to our family day venue and be there just in time at 7:30am.
Afterward, I took another nap, then drove back to the event.
Was it exhausting? Yes. But I had no internal conflict. My decision was aligned with my values. It was an easy choice.
One of my kids threw my phone at the TV out of anger. It broke.
What made it hard for me to handle is it was intentional. If it wasn’t, I would have understood. He doesn’t seem to grasp the consequences.
I don’t like how I reacted: I shouted and hit his butt harder than I should have. I felt guilty.
What hurt even more was when I reached to comfort him, and he flinched, afraid I might hit him again.
I have to remember: kids are at the mercy of their nervous system. They still don’t have full control over their impulses and reaction. Their behavior is their best attempt to meet a need.
Instead of focusing on their actions, ask: What need are they trying to meet?
Whose job is it to teach them how to properly meet their needs? Mine.
My need was to make him understand that what he did was not good. But the way I reacted only reinforced the same pattern: get angry, act on impulse, and lash out. It showed him that reacting with anger and aggression is okay.
What should have I done instead?
Why did my son throw my phone at the TV? He was trying to be heard. He had been pleading to change the channel, but I was too focused on my other kid at that time. His best attempt to get my attention? Throw my phone. It wasn’t right, but it was effective.
I still think anger has a purpose. It’s okay to express it to let the kids know they crossed a boundary, but only when calm inside. What I did wrong was I acted only to relieve myself of anger, without really thinking if it’s the best way to teach.
Next time: Understand what need are they trying to meet, then guide them toward a better way to meet it.
I went to bed earlier than usual on a Sunday night with the idea of getting a full-night sleep. I really want to start the week right.
Julian woke up at 2:00 am and couldn’t fall back asleep.
He finally went back to sleep at 2:55 am, but now I’m the one who can’t sleep.
It’s Monday, and my eldest has a morning class. I have to wake up at 6:40 am to drive him to school.
The situation sounds horrible, but I actually don’t mind it. I see it as part of the full parenting experience to have this struggle. Though, I could not deny I’m struggling.
Despite the situation, I still have a lot of things I’m grateful for.
For the help we receive in preparing Joshua for his class. All I have to do is to drive.
For Joshua gently waking me up by kissing me, then whispering “Dad, wake up I’m going to be late na” when I could not get up by myself.
For Johan, who’s already awake and wants to join the school run just to spend time with me since I’m not the one who usually takes him. He says “I want to go with you.”
My son had a haircut. It did not went well. Pumipiglas siya the whole time. Julie was so bothered how it turned out that she considered hiring a barber to teach her how to cut men’s hair. The idea was that it would be better for our son since the haircut would be done at home, where he’d be more comfortable, and she could take as much time as needed.
And she did.
That’s the kind of wife I have.
This is just one example. She approaches everything with the same attitude. They say you tend to adopt some traits from your partner, and I can definitely say that her proactiveness is something I’ve picked up from her. It’s this same proactive mindset that has pushed me to where I am now in my career.
It’s always been in my head, but never put it into words: What we have, where we are can’t be attributed to me alone. It’s all because we’re together, both always giving.
10 years together, 7 years married. All I can say is that it’s an honor to love you.
