For a couple of months now, my days are mostly filled work and family time. I feel guilty with the amount of time I’m spending at work. What I do is every time not spent working is spent on family.
No time to slow down, let alone to stop.
This has been detrimental to me on multiple aspects.
With my days filled, there’s minimal wiggle room for exploration and mistakes. This puts unnecessary pressure to myself. With pressure, I don’t operate optimally. Even the simplest tasks take a long time to get started and push to completion.
Even if I’m physically with my family, I cannot be fully present. At the back of my mind, there’s this anxiety of things I need to do.
Not being fully present makes me feel more guilty.
Failing to deliver things on expectations I set hits my self-esteem. A lower self-esteem results to failing to deliver more.
It’s a downward spiral that takes a lot of self-awareness and willpower to get out of.
With feeling limited of time, exercise was one of the first thing that went away. Without exercise and pushing myself hard, I felt weaker and unprepared for day-to-day challenges. I easily get ticked-off, I easily give-in.
It’s counterintuitive to slow down when I have a lot of things on my plate. But it’s exactly what I need when my days are filled.
If your brain is a highway and you are filling yourself with work, after a while you start to slow down. Your mental rush hour gets longer and longer. You find yourself struggling to accomplish even the simplest tasks.
Today, I took time to stop and reflect where I’m at.
One of the first steps to get out of this rabbit hole of always pressured, always in a rush, and failing to manage expectations.
Hopefully, I get back on track soon.