I volunteered to help organize a 3-day event, with the date set 10 months in advance. My plan was I’m going to stay near the venue for the entire duration.
A week before the event, my son’s school announced that they will have a family day on the last day of the event.
There was no question about whether I would attend. The only question was how can I make it work.
It’s very clear to me that family comes first.
I was able to be at home by 4:00am, woke up at 6:30am and drove to our family day venue and be there just in time at 7:30am.
Afterward, I took another nap, then drove back to the event.
Was it exhausting? Yes. But I had no internal conflict. My decision was aligned with my values. It was an easy choice.
Later in my freelance career, I learned the term value-based pricing. It’s a pricing strategy where the price of my service is set based on the value it provides.
This shifted on how I look at things. I started looking at how businesses generate revenue and focus where I could help increase it or reduce costs, then I anchor my rate based off that. It worked well for me. I gravitated to companies where my skills truly added value, which made my work more enjoyable. Hindi lang basta pera.
Thinking this way has become second-nature.
Now, I try to apply it in reverse: value-based giving.
For instance, if I needed a medicine now, I’d book Grab Pabili to have someone buy it for me and bring it to my house. The time and energy I save are worth more than the total cost of the service. It makes it easy to give extra.
Another way I apply it is when I have to hire for help. I don’t haggle. I hire people to get to the same goal, I want to reach it where everyone feels they are paid fairly. Then add extra upon completion.
One of my kids threw my phone at the TV out of anger. It broke.
What made it hard for me to handle is it was intentional. If it wasn’t, I would have understood. He doesn’t seem to grasp the consequences.
I don’t like how I reacted: I shouted and hit his butt harder than I should have. I felt guilty.
What hurt even more was when I reached to comfort him, and he flinched, afraid I might hit him again.
I have to remember: kids are at the mercy of their nervous system. They still don’t have full control over their impulses and reaction. Their behavior is their best attempt to meet a need.
Instead of focusing on their actions, ask: What need are they trying to meet?
Whose job is it to teach them how to properly meet their needs? Mine.
My need was to make him understand that what he did was not good. But the way I reacted only reinforced the same pattern: get angry, act on impulse, and lash out. It showed him that reacting with anger and aggression is okay.
What should have I done instead?
Why did my son throw my phone at the TV? He was trying to be heard. He had been pleading to change the channel, but I was too focused on my other kid at that time. His best attempt to get my attention? Throw my phone. It wasn’t right, but it was effective.
I still think anger has a purpose. It’s okay to express it to let the kids know they crossed a boundary, but only when calm inside. What I did wrong was I acted only to relieve myself of anger, without really thinking if it’s the best way to teach.
Next time: Understand what need are they trying to meet, then guide them toward a better way to meet it.
I went to bed earlier than usual on a Sunday night with the idea of getting a full-night sleep. I really want to start the week right.
Julian woke up at 2:00 am and couldn’t fall back asleep.
He finally went back to sleep at 2:55 am, but now I’m the one who can’t sleep.
It’s Monday, and my eldest has a morning class. I have to wake up at 6:40 am to drive him to school.
The situation sounds horrible, but I actually don’t mind it. I see it as part of the full parenting experience to have this struggle. Though, I could not deny I’m struggling.
Despite the situation, I still have a lot of things I’m grateful for.
For the help we receive in preparing Joshua for his class. All I have to do is to drive.
For Joshua gently waking me up by kissing me, then whispering “Dad, wake up I’m going to be late na” when I could not get up by myself.
For Johan, who’s already awake and wants to join the school run just to spend time with me since I’m not the one who usually takes him. He says “I want to go with you.”
I’ve been in a state of catching up for a couple of months now. Months! It’s frustrating, to say the least. I can’t perform at my best, I don’t feel good about myself, which sinks me deeper.
One of the biggest source of frustration is not being proud of what I produce.
Nobody operates 100% all the time.
I think for now, I should accept that I’m not back at that level yet.
Focus on small wins.
Try to increase capacity
The effective way to increase my capacity is to exercise. A mix of interval and endurance training. It feels counterintuitive to make time for this when my time and energy are already limited, but I distinctly remember when I was regularly doing it, my stress response was better. I’m more fight than flight.
TODO: Bring workout equipments from office to home to have less friction working out
Make fast decisions
With a lot on my plate, I often get stuck which to get started to. It does not matter which, flip a coin. Make fast decisions.
What’s the worse thing that could happen?
Sometimes the body has a disproportionate response to a situation.
A good way for reality check is to ask: what’s the worst thing that could happen?
I get fired. That’s it. It’s not the end of the world if it happens.
I have a solid emergency fund in place, and we haven’t fallen too deep into lifestyle inflation. My family can easily adjust if needed. Plus, there’s still strong demand for my specific skill set.
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Anyway, I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to be forever (anicca). Hoping to catch-up soon!
I have too many ongoing projects. It perfectly reflects the state of my mind. Everything is in my head, without structure.
No project management, no direction, no goal or pressure to finish.
What’s happening is I start a new project. I get stuck or I get to a point that I have to make a decision but for some reason can’t. I let it simmer in my head. Then I start a new project.
The worst part is that my office has become an ever-growing pile of unfinished projects.
Possible solution
One solution I’ve come up with is to pre-decide in advance what I should do each day and then consistently follow through. I call this approach “Project DOTED,” which stands for “Do One Thing Everyday.”
Criteria
To help with the decisions on what to do, these are the guidelines:
Focus on things that would reduce clutter in my office
Small enough that it can fit in my family and work life.
Notable enough that it chip-off towards a completion of a project
Lastly, avoid new projects. Purchase freeze until things are manageable again.
My son had a haircut. It did not went well. Pumipiglas siya the whole time. Julie was so bothered how it turned out that she considered hiring a barber to teach her how to cut men’s hair. The idea was that it would be better for our son since the haircut would be done at home, where he’d be more comfortable, and she could take as much time as needed.
And she did.
That’s the kind of wife I have.
This is just one example. She approaches everything with the same attitude. They say you tend to adopt some traits from your partner, and I can definitely say that her proactiveness is something I’ve picked up from her. It’s this same proactive mindset that has pushed me to where I am now in my career.
It’s always been in my head, but never put it into words: What we have, where we are can’t be attributed to me alone. It’s all because we’re together, both always giving.
10 years together, 7 years married. All I can say is that it’s an honor to love you.
This was the state of my homelab. Whenever I go at my server room and attempt to arrange things, I get paralyzed how to get started.
Primary blocking reason is how I should handle supplying power. Currently I have 2 separate line-interactive UPS. One for critical internet-related devices, the other for optional servers.
My original plan was to make a DIY UPS using devices for solar. I “thought” it was cheaper. I planned to use:
ATS (automatic transfer switch) if I have to have a maintenance, servers will keep running
SNAT 1kw inverter – act like a line-interactive UPS
Used LifePO4 battery
Rack DIN rail for safety devices – ATS, breakers, DIN power plug
I already bought the components but assembling everything was daunting. I had a safety concern mixing high-voltage devices to the same rack as the server. The rack DIN rails would also have exposed live wires and I wasn’t comfortable with the plan. I purchased before I thought through the plan.
I was in a limbo on how to proceed. My homelab has been in this state for more than a year.
Finding a reasonably-priced On-line UPS
I finally found a reasonably priced online UPS. It’s on-line meaning it has double conversion 230v AC -> 24v DC -> 230v AC. Any power fluctuation won’t reach the devices.
It’s KSTAR YDC9101S RT. It’s only 900w as I don’t intend to run anything more than that. It has a user replaceable battery. It can be replaced while plugged-in. And it can be rack-mounted!
Cost is 10k, including shipping. This is cheap as compared to other on-line UPS I checked. Second-hand UPS without battery is easily around 20k. So I bit the bullet and purchased it.
A proper UPS, finally.
Plan of action
I knew I’ll rabbit-hole to something else when I start working on my homelab. There’s always something else to do. What I did was list what I wanted to accomplish for the day and limit myself to 2 hours.
Remove 2 line-interactive UPS
Remove shoe rack
Remove TP-Link 16-port Swtich
Install KSTAR UPS
Install 10GBe Netgear Switch
Install rack drawer
With a clear plan of action, I started.
Removing deprecated stuff
Shoe rack – I used this as a poor man’s rack. It become unmanageable quickly
16-port TP Link switch – turns out I don’t use more than 8 ports anymore. With a new 10Gbe switch, it’s more than enough
2 extension cord
2 UPS with modified batteries
Installing new stuff
After clean up
KStar On-line UPS (bottom)
Netgear 10Gbe Switch
Rack sliding cabinet – I felt like I needed this to put loose items such as USB keyboard and mouse, extra SFP modules, rack screws. I had instances where I spent an afternoon looking for those.
Finished everything in 2 hours. Listing out what I want to accomplish was handy. It keep me on-track. I feel good about the progress I made with my homelab.
I’ve been working on a migration script for a couple of hours. I thought I’m done with the hard part of API calls, creating a new workspace, configuring the workspace to make it work.
The remaining task involves updating the configuration code itself to point to the new service provider. I didn’t anticipate spending hours on this since it’s a straightforward text manipulation. I expected this to be something I already knew how to do.
Previously, my approach was to exhaust all possible solutions on my own, often waiting until the last minute before asking. I don’t want to risk appearing like a fool.
Now, I’ve adopted a different approach. I ask for help proactively and provide updates on the steps I’m taking in the process. The team can respond if they knew the answer and if they got time.
It’s just a question! A single question could not possibly define my overall skill level.
The responses I got have been helpful, and I was able to complete my task.
I used to be sold to the idea of sharing economy. Uber, AirBnb, and not owning things. It fits well with my minimalist lifestyle.
I distinctly remember trying my first Uber ride. At that moment, I thought “Why would I need a car? A car that I have to maintain, and buy insurance for”. I even considered limiting everything I own in a backpack, which would allow me to move wherever I want, whenever I want.
Owning a car
Sure, owning a car is more expensive overall. But it buys me freedom. Uber is convenient only to places where they operate, at the time when there’s a demand. With a car, I have the flexibility to travel on my terms, have my own private space. I don’t have to worry about whether I can book a ride to the specific place I want to go at any given time.
Owning a place
“Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf, which is blown and is turning around through the air, and wavers, and tumbles to the ground. But others, a few, are like stars, they go on a fixed course, no wind reaches them, in themselves they have their law and their course”
Siddhartha
Sure, being able to move at whim seems nice. Having tried it though, I felt lost. “What the hell am I doing? What am I trying to prove?” is what I remember thinking when I was moving to my 4th hostel.
Having my own place allows me to establish roots. It gives me a home, a space where I feel at ease and can be myself, doing things that suit me. Unlike renting, where even something as simple as putting a nail in the wall requires permission, ownership offers the freedom to make decisions about the space without constraints.
Owning a decision
Ownership extends beyond material things, it includes decisions too. When I own a decision, I take responsibility for the resulting outcome. Regardless if it’s good or bad.
If in my mind it’s somebody else’s fault, how the hell can that help? Owning a decision puts myself in a position where I can correct myself when I acknowledge I made a bad move.
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Ownership comes with higher costs — more money, more responsibility, more time and effort. However, the sense of having more influence over the direction of my life makes it worth it for me.
